The white dress, my confession

I saw her in the white dress... she was a goddess, i can't fathom the feelings that i felt when i looked. I've seen her off and on many times before. It felt like a movie, when the guy asks a girl out to prom and he waits at the end of the stairs, to see something transformed, and turn his heart from lust, to love. Passion arises and stomach turns, butterflies, the jitters of hesitation on trying to stumble on words to just say "You look beautiful..." Knowing that just those three words weren't even enough to define what an angel looks like. Ever since that day i see her, i feel like a high school crush thats lost in the crowed of people. Her smile reminds me of a happier time in my life, almost back to infant times when i felt everything was okay. That leap of faith you take knowing that even though your scared, you feel like nothing can hurt you once you free fall. I feel like every time i see her.. i'm still falling in a surreal reality. She is sweet and genuine and doesn't let life get her down, her pride rises on top with her head high and wings out. She truly is.. isis of sound.. because i can't speak. Words are taking from me. I can't be myself. How do i show her how genuine i really am? does she judge me by color? body type? hight? or personality? I just want one night with her, one real conversation to open up and show her the real me. I can't i won't i'm shy... i'm stuck... i'm falling...but i can't wait to see her again.. But nice guys always finish last, and people will always look at me as, the crazy Graffiki. I'm much more then that, i' m more then a face, a picture, an image, a smile.. I'm alone, and no matter how many smiles, jokes laughs i try to encourage or participate in. No one will know how much i really want to be with someone who can treat me right and that i can admit that i'll cook for, buy cards, or flowers, or even have movies nights because i'm not that manly and do enjoy a chick flick or that my favorite movies consist of serendipity, kate & leopold , return to me. And not Action movies... *sigh*... only a fool would have the courage to talk to her knowing he'd be shot down.. but i wish i could just spend one day in the life of a fool...

My confession

id love to feel those nails scratch into my back as i thrust into you slowly and deep as you lay your head back and let me kiss your throat as i grip my hands behind you and move you up and down on me run your fingers over my face and head as you lean foward and kiss me rocking back and forth ontop of me and i run my fingers through the back of your hair and neck as your body starts getting warmer and breaking a sweat you grip me closer to your body and breath heavily in my ear throwing your head and body back as i hold on to you grab my head and pull me towards your chest as i kiss and lick slowly around your breasts and bite them gently then have you throw me down on my back as you grip your hands on my chest and grind ontop of me faster and harder...you lean in to kiss me and pull away bitting my bottom lip as i grab your hair and pull it back you pull your hands away from my chest and lean back to support your self as you move your hips up and down ontop of me and i push up against you griping my hands over your waist and pressing my thumbs over your pelvic bone to make your g spot hit me just right with every push and pull...as you start getting wetter i throw you off of me and lay you on your back and go down on you slowly running my tongue in circles around your clit as you run your finger nails over my head and pull me into you to let my tongue slide deeper inside of you as i twirl it up and down gently placing your clit between my lips and licking it side to side while i finger your g spot and make chills go up and down your spine, then kiss my way up your body to your lips as you stroke me off with your hand and guide me deep inside of you throwing your legs over my shoulder and puting it in deeper as i place a pillow under your lower back to make sure you feel every inch of me throbbing inside of you as your face starting feeling flush with warmth and you grip your nails into my shoulder getting wetter, and wetter, feeling it build up after each push releasing your legs as you wrap them around my waist and grind upwards onto me as i push against you and you grip the sheets as you breath heavier and get light headed, your eyes slowly go back even though your breathing faster, you cant help but feel the urge of dizzyness as you grip the sheets tighter and rub your clit faster in circles while you cum ontop of me, all over as the rush of energy swarms your body and your body twitches.... you calmly slow down your breathing and pull me into you to kiss you slowly as i lay ontop of you and fall to the side...turning towards me i run my fingers through the sides of your hair to brush it away from your face.. and kiss you slowly as we lay down side by side enjoying the moment of love and passion...

I need a sedative, i must crave my thirst...

The day june 7th. My boy Terrance calls me up to meet up because his girlfriend wants to borrow my laptop for some school essays. I was suppose to meet up with a cute girl i met name Stephanie, but she blew me off so my boy encouraged me to go to his place because his girlfriend had a friend there as well. I drive up at the spot and walk into his living room where they are all chilling, and her friend caught my eye like an angel in a vivid picture of abstract strokes of paint in this image called life. I was kind of high but i was feeling good. She started talking to me and the moment paused as her voice reached across the room to ask me questions. She had beautiful skin tone color and long legs with a smile any woman would envy if she came into a crowded place. Her name was Camille. She kept the conversation going about music, movies and foreign films. Things i carry as a deep part of my life. I decided to get some starbucks for my cotton mouth and asked if she would like to go with me, she said yes in a heartbeat and we went. I got her and myself a drink and we sat down and talked about our different paths in life and what we were into. She was very reserved but simple, and straight forward. Her voice pierced me like strings on a violin to my ears. This girl had so much in her path of life that she was exploring, just like me. We went back put on a movie, and it seemed like that moment that we shared just went away. I felt isolated, as if i had done something wrong, but i cant stop thinking about her. Her energy, her life, her body, her smile. Did i do something wrong? did i not do something i should've done? If i wasn't high i would have been the hyper outgoing person that i am, but i just felt like the thing to do was be a gentlemen to her. I couldn't treat her like other girls that i met where i just wanted to get into her pants or create one night stands or adventure. But now i ponder if that would've been the right choice for a fast paced girl like herself, maybe she wanted me to be an adventure. Should i message her and ask her if shes just DTF? I mean i dont want a relationship but if it happens, id be happy, but maybe this girl would be the next adventure i need in my life? Someone with no strings attached, all out fun, and if it grew into something more then great, if not, it was a good ride. #pause Why is it you meet the right people at the wrong time? Or things go great and when you least expect it, you feel as if everything went wrong, or you did something wrong? Maybe her friend told her about me and how i am a playboy, but thats not what i choose to be, i just want to explore life and its options, if hearts get broken, thats life. My heart was broken many times before as well. But i wont stop that from my next adventure. I hope she talks to me again... I just want one night to get the answers i need. Be it conversation, love making, a quick sex act, girls are like drugs in my blood that i cant stop, its an addiction. I'm thirsty... i won't stop, i cant stop. till i find a sedative...

immensity!

You cannot fathom the immensity of the fuck i do not give, Going to say something and mixing two words together and sounding retarded, "So.... guess who texted me..", Everyone is Online Except the Only Person I Actually Want to Talk to, HAHA do you remember when...? Oh, that wasnt you., "LOL" no longer means "laugh out loud" it means, I have nothing else to say, I will re-read our conversation a million times because it made me smile :), 63 Notifications Later and I regret Liking Your Status, Beer Pong!, Just kidding, but seriously., Using your phone very strategically when it hits "Low Battery", *Text sending* NOO WRONG PERSON, CANCEL!!, too late:(, You instantly piss me off when I see you., Looking Down At Your Cell Phone To Avoid Someone Walking By, I stay up late every night, and realize it's a bad idea every morning., Recieve text, start replying, forget what it said, save to drafts, reread!, Just because we're not close anymore doesn't mean I dont care about you., When people ask stupid questions I am obligated to give a sarcastic reply., chill, he was my friend before he was your boyfriend., I hate awkwardly passing by someone i'm not friends with anymore, Open fridge, nothing. Freezer? nothing. Might as well try the fridge again., I was sleeping. No, I'm not mad at you, upset, dead, or ignoring you., you actually are pretty, but because i hate you, you're ugly., I can tell somethings wrong just by the way you text me., Shes my best friend of course im going to tell her everything you just said, Got Bored So i Logged Off, Then Logged back on Because i got bored.., I'm NOT flirting!! its called BEING NICE!, You know girls are mad when they end one word sentences with a period, You just texed me, I responded, and now you're not going to text me back?, Realizing in the middle of telling your story that it isn't actually funny, Pinky Promises are Serious, No, it wasn't awkward until you said, "This is awkward." Now it's awkward., Reading my "sent" messages cause I cant remember what I just said to you., Yes, I do feel better when theres a smiley in the text you send me, Stopping the microwave before it hits 0:00 to avoid hearing the "BEEP"s, I was waiting for a reply and then realized I never even sent the last text, Texting the person next to you stuff you cant say out loud, I hate trying to explain 'You had to be there' moments, I Try To Finish My Dream By Trying To Sleep Again After Waking Up, Hello Kitty!, The Boiling Crab, That Moment of joy when you see your food coming in a restaurant, I hate thinking I've found a parking spot & it turns out to be a small car., I'm Staring at My Closet Full of Clothes But I Have Nothing To Wear, I Have No Idea What You Just Said, but I said "Yeah" And Laughed., I'm NEVER drinking again!!! (till next week)